"So, why are you doing this?"

Last night I had my birthday/going away party at my parents home on Long Island. It was so wonderful to be surrounded my family members and close friends for an evening. It's been a wild year and last night was chalk full of surreal moments. It's been two years since I first applied to the Peace Corps and I want it more now than I did at first. Initially, my greatest motivation was escape. Now, I feel so determined to fully achieve this accomplishment. Getting nominated and later invited were feats within themselves, but to set out and get through the commitment is a whole different ball game.

Some of my parent's friends stopped by to say hello and have a drink. One of the ladies, whom has always been mildly blunt, walks straight over to me and says, "So, why are you doing this?" With little hesitation I responded, "It's an experience that I want." There you have it folks. I don't think I'm going to save the world, or that I'm some really awesome altruistic individual that sacrifices self to help others. I don't see myself that way at all. I am a human being with flaws, who is searching for meaningful connections. I have some already but, why not branch out in a completely unique and individual way?

I have this image in my head of what the Peace Corps experience will be for me. As my branches extend their reach, my roots will deepen and strengthen. In my growth, I will become more grounded. This is what I seek. I have some idea of what this will mean in fine print, but can't know truly until I arrive and start the journey. I remember being 21, directionless, and the Peace Corps crossing my mind as a possibility. I can't believe it's becoming an actuality with each nearing day. It doesn't matter that it took me this long, or that I'll be 27 by the time I get home. I am on my own timeline that doesn't line up with a lot of my peers, and that is ok. Where ever you are on your timeline is ok, too. Don't listen to anyone who ever told you you 'should' or 'need' to do, think, speak, or live in a certain way; because really, they just mean their way.  Chances are, their way won't work best for your growth.


It's funny, I got so many goodbye hugs and kisses and yet it STILL doesn't feel real.  Hopefully though, when I start to freak out (because I don't know when, but I know at some point it will happen) I'll think of all my proud friends and family back home cheering me on, smiling, singing, tears of love streaming down their faces. I'll remember all the moments of love and beauty from last night with a smile on my face and keep truckin'.