A lot of people have been asking me what I plan to bring with me to Armenia. They ask, "Is there a list?" And I chuckle, saying, "Well, if there is I haven't really gotten around to checking items off". I'm pretty sure there is a suggested list. I should start looking into that...
In my opinion (and they are ever so prevalent) what is most important to bring with me to Armenia is myself. If I forget my underwear, which is a possibility -I have done this- at first I may be upset. But I will find some new small clothes and life will go on. But if I forget to bring me, and all my brain tools, then I'm in trouble.
BRAIN TOOLS?! That's right. The tools in my brain, that have supported me throughout trials and tribulations, are my most important item. And luckily they won't take up room in my luggage. Yay! Yoga and meditation are my greatest brain tools. For those of you sitting there thinking, uh Carolyn- yoga is not in your brain, well I beg to differ. Yoga has been one of the most important healing tools in my life. Anyone that has experienced true yoga is a practitioner and believer for life, whether they are devout or not. I'm sure there are those reading this who think I'm out of my fucking mind at the moment. Poo-poo I say to you. Knock not what you have yet to experience, young blood.
There is something sacred and spiritual that happens during personal yoga practice that is often hard to achieve inside a studio class, and even more specifically inside of a general gym yoga class. Then you come across those teachers that have the innate ability to quite your mind, if only for an hour or so. And if you're really special, you will be fortunate enough to find a mentor. (One dear friend of mine is of this fortune and I had the opportunity to practice with them both, it was splendid). The wild thing about the practice and the teacher who succeeds in getting their students past themselves, is that you only realize it after. The ancient healing practice is meant to open, stretch, heal and warm not only our bodies but our minds as well.
So, this I plan to take with me. And essential oils lavender and eucalyptus, because they bring me to a state of comfort and euphoria within a few minutes of deep inhalations. One thing I will say though, not having a bathtub in my life, and the privacy/time to lounge in one, will be a lack of luxury that I know will sting.
Another brain tool is my optimism and faith in people. Some may see this as a weakness, that another more shrewd individual will take advantage of this naivete. This is not entirely untrue. Some folks must always search for a way to have the upper hand, so that they feel powerful, important, etc. Unfortunately for them, the majority of their life meaning lies within digital numbers on a computer screen or unnecessary material objects. I am making an informed decision to approach life otherwise. Living a life of fear is not one at all. Fear takes on a lot of shapes and colors. And there are certainly things I fear, but getting hurt or duped is not one of them. It turns out that when you open yourself to others, they sense this intuitively and will often do the same. Sadly, once this has happened there is a labyrinth of emotional sensitivity to navigate afterwards. Things can, and will, get messy and uncomfortable when you engage with others; thus is life.
I would so much rather have truly known a person, even in their ugliness, than to not understand their life experience for fear of getting hurt.
These things I will take with me to Armenia.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Plan B
Happy Super Bowl! Yay for the great American past-time, eating and drinking in excess!! But, really Nicki Minaj and M.I.A.? Performing with Madonna for the halftime show? Oh and yes, go New York!
To be clear, I am an officially registered JETS fan - but I'll always root for my home state.
Anywho, Plan B. If you've been following my musings since the get-go, or if you have the great pleasure and privilege of my intimate friendship, you would know I had some not-so-realistic hopes for life after Peace Corps. But before opening that can of worms let's back up some. I may have mentioned my self-proclaimed romanticism before, I'm not too sure, but I'll state it again. I am a proud romantic. I care not if you think I am foolish, I think you're boring. I recently discovered the scientific term 'right-brained' to further explain my tendencies. Here is a sweet depiction. Needless to say, I am in love with the idea of love. Not the 'find someone manageable, make babies and graduate into a new tax bracket' type of deal. I mean that silly shit you see in the movies. I know, I know. I should be a Big Girl now and get over it. Yea... I'll have to get back to you on that.
What was Plan A, you ask? It went something like this "I'll go into the Peace Corps in 2011, meet Mr. Right because I'm SO over Mr. Right Now (kill me for using that terminology). He will hopefully be a down-to-earth, good natured, trust fund baby (ha!) that falls truly, madly, deeply in love with me and I with him. Upon our return we will move in with one another and by then, my 26 year old ring finger will be ripe for some financial commitment. Graduate school, wedding, career, and babies to follow in that exact order." Now for my male audience let this be a warning. There are always exceptions to the rule, but after 25, most straight women are on a baby mission. Whether that means having a baby soon or securing the inevitable seed. It's evolutionary biology for godsakes. Also, we LOVE to plan for the future. Put that under the same label.
Now here's the dilemma - the silly shit you see in the movies love part came before the Peace Corps. I tried, gosh danggit did I try, to hold out for that good-natured trust fund baby. We can all dream. As Shakespeare said "Love is merely a madness... and deserves a dark house and whip as madmen do." In my madness I cooked up some fantastic hopes for my beloved and I. But, as with all dreaming you soon awake. Maintaining a relationship while in separate countries for nearly three years is a far cry from realistic. Awaken we did and, as romantically as our circumstance allows, we agreed to approach our lives more sanely. Not unexpectedly, I've been feeling some self pity. Then one afternoon about two weeks later, I realized how to cure my madness.
All this time I thought I would find love in the Peace Corps. After Dan and I got together, that plan got squashed. Then, I had an epiphany in the bathtub (where all of my most important realizations occur). I needed a Plan B. Instead of trying to fall out of love, I would simply transfer the focus. Plan B = falling in love with Peace Corps. All of my romantic energy is now going to be concentrated into the experience and mission itself - not another person. What that will actually mean, I'm not entirely sure. But, I am already beginning to have hot sexy dreams about Armenia.
Just kidding.
To be clear, I am an officially registered JETS fan - but I'll always root for my home state.
Anywho, Plan B. If you've been following my musings since the get-go, or if you have the great pleasure and privilege of my intimate friendship, you would know I had some not-so-realistic hopes for life after Peace Corps. But before opening that can of worms let's back up some. I may have mentioned my self-proclaimed romanticism before, I'm not too sure, but I'll state it again. I am a proud romantic. I care not if you think I am foolish, I think you're boring. I recently discovered the scientific term 'right-brained' to further explain my tendencies. Here is a sweet depiction. Needless to say, I am in love with the idea of love. Not the 'find someone manageable, make babies and graduate into a new tax bracket' type of deal. I mean that silly shit you see in the movies. I know, I know. I should be a Big Girl now and get over it. Yea... I'll have to get back to you on that.
What was Plan A, you ask? It went something like this "I'll go into the Peace Corps in 2011, meet Mr. Right because I'm SO over Mr. Right Now (kill me for using that terminology). He will hopefully be a down-to-earth, good natured, trust fund baby (ha!) that falls truly, madly, deeply in love with me and I with him. Upon our return we will move in with one another and by then, my 26 year old ring finger will be ripe for some financial commitment. Graduate school, wedding, career, and babies to follow in that exact order." Now for my male audience let this be a warning. There are always exceptions to the rule, but after 25, most straight women are on a baby mission. Whether that means having a baby soon or securing the inevitable seed. It's evolutionary biology for godsakes. Also, we LOVE to plan for the future. Put that under the same label.
Now here's the dilemma - the silly shit you see in the movies love part came before the Peace Corps. I tried, gosh danggit did I try, to hold out for that good-natured trust fund baby. We can all dream. As Shakespeare said "Love is merely a madness... and deserves a dark house and whip as madmen do." In my madness I cooked up some fantastic hopes for my beloved and I. But, as with all dreaming you soon awake. Maintaining a relationship while in separate countries for nearly three years is a far cry from realistic. Awaken we did and, as romantically as our circumstance allows, we agreed to approach our lives more sanely. Not unexpectedly, I've been feeling some self pity. Then one afternoon about two weeks later, I realized how to cure my madness.
All this time I thought I would find love in the Peace Corps. After Dan and I got together, that plan got squashed. Then, I had an epiphany in the bathtub (where all of my most important realizations occur). I needed a Plan B. Instead of trying to fall out of love, I would simply transfer the focus. Plan B = falling in love with Peace Corps. All of my romantic energy is now going to be concentrated into the experience and mission itself - not another person. What that will actually mean, I'm not entirely sure. But, I am already beginning to have hot sexy dreams about Armenia.
Just kidding.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
In Recent News
From here on out, I intend to post at least once a week. I'm trying my damnedest to daily be in the Peace Corps/Armenia mindset.
Recently, my Armenian study time has been gradually increasing. I make a point to surf the internet for any Armenian news and visit Armenia news outlets. In my limited free time, I also have been trudging through a very dense history of the 1915 genocide.
'A Shameful Act' written by Taner Akcam is a detailed account of the years leading up to, events of, and aftermath of the Armenian genocide. He was the first Turkish historian to publicly acknowledge the genocide and is considered an international expert on the subject. It's most likely he was very pleased this past week. The French Senate approved a law that criminalizes the denial of genocides that are officially recognized by France, including the Armenian genocide. Thus was Akcam's reaction:
"If we want to prevent genocides and mass crimes; if we want to increase the awareness against the crimes of Genocide and crimes against humanity, we should not allow the denialist regimes to bully the democratic nations in the international arena...Turkey must understand that bullying and threatening others is not the behavior of an international actor."
Turkey's feathers are quite ruffled and they have stated that there will be serious trade consequences due to this 'betrayal'. Interestingly, some of Turkey's founding fathers played major roles in the genocide. It is the Turkish belief that the mass deportation and Armenian deaths of 1915 were not a 'genocide'. I was surprised to learn that the American government has yet to officially recognize the genocide.
With this weeks news I find my eventual departure becoming a greater reality. Who could have predicted that in all this time, as the days to my departure dwindle, Armenia is finally getting some international recognition. But, like all politics, it is hard to predict what this will mean for the lives of everyday Armenian citizens. Or even what it might mean for international relations (i.e. Peace Corps). The communities which Peace Corps works in are undereducated and there's a high probability that the average citizen is somewhat oblivious to current events. (This is true in my country, as well).
But that will just have to be one more thing to wait and see about.
Recently, my Armenian study time has been gradually increasing. I make a point to surf the internet for any Armenian news and visit Armenia news outlets. In my limited free time, I also have been trudging through a very dense history of the 1915 genocide.
'A Shameful Act' written by Taner Akcam is a detailed account of the years leading up to, events of, and aftermath of the Armenian genocide. He was the first Turkish historian to publicly acknowledge the genocide and is considered an international expert on the subject. It's most likely he was very pleased this past week. The French Senate approved a law that criminalizes the denial of genocides that are officially recognized by France, including the Armenian genocide. Thus was Akcam's reaction:
"If we want to prevent genocides and mass crimes; if we want to increase the awareness against the crimes of Genocide and crimes against humanity, we should not allow the denialist regimes to bully the democratic nations in the international arena...Turkey must understand that bullying and threatening others is not the behavior of an international actor."
Turkey's feathers are quite ruffled and they have stated that there will be serious trade consequences due to this 'betrayal'. Interestingly, some of Turkey's founding fathers played major roles in the genocide. It is the Turkish belief that the mass deportation and Armenian deaths of 1915 were not a 'genocide'. I was surprised to learn that the American government has yet to officially recognize the genocide.
With this weeks news I find my eventual departure becoming a greater reality. Who could have predicted that in all this time, as the days to my departure dwindle, Armenia is finally getting some international recognition. But, like all politics, it is hard to predict what this will mean for the lives of everyday Armenian citizens. Or even what it might mean for international relations (i.e. Peace Corps). The communities which Peace Corps works in are undereducated and there's a high probability that the average citizen is somewhat oblivious to current events. (This is true in my country, as well).
But that will just have to be one more thing to wait and see about.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
In The Meantime
Please accept my apologies for the length of time between postings. Life, as we all know too well, tends to get in the way of pontification far too often. Also, there's been very little Peace Corps updates recently. I'll share what's been going on.
Sometime in December, I got yet another Dental package in the mail. It asked that I go get another check up, as the one that originally cleared me was going to expire before departure. Meanwhile, one of my wisdom teeth had been slowly coming in. The initial exam required a full jaw x-ray (I'm blanking on the formal term, but these are not routinely performed). It was then that the dentist informed me it was possible Peace Corps might request that I have all four wisdom teeth removed prior to departure. Fingers crossed and breath held while I waited for dental clearance, because wisdom tooth extraction is f-ing expensive when you are not covered for dental!
Anywho, I tried my hardest denial-like-self to pretend that the now visible tooth was a non-issue. It didn't bother me, so why bother it? My dentist thought otherwise. I made the appointment and two weeks later sat awake Novocained up the wazoo, doing yogic breathing while the doc drilled and sliced away. It was a most glorious afternoon. Being a female in the hormonal height of my cycle, the healing process was incredibly slow. It took two full weeks for recovery. I had to return to the office because the discomfort was so extreme in the beginning. One of those weeks I was on a pain killer and wine diet = fat cow Carolyn.
Interestingly, they gave me the dry socket natural medicine - Clove. I injected the sticky brown goo into the gaping hole for about a week. Every application I thought, this is what cigarettes and clove cigarettes do over time - numb the area. And I would feel proud to have (nearly) kicked the bad habit. I never thought I'd have to fight the urge to smoke cigarettes. I had my first drag when I was 18. But, because of my family's history with cancer and my childhood disgust with the smell (I would refuse to eat in restaurants that had smoking sections to the bane of my parents and brothers) it took three years of living and going out with smokers before I felt compelled to buy a pack of yellow American Spirits on my 21st birthday. Now, don't go thinking I bought packs in succession from there on out. Like I said, the relationship is a complicated one. There is only a small part of me that finds smoking acceptable. And with every glass of wine and emotional situation, that part grows until it's larger than the rational parts of my brain. It's then that I find a cigarette. And unfortunately, many of my loved ones smoke. They also tend to confide upsetting things to me, and then offer me a cigarette. It's a very vicious cycle.
Why am I talking about this at all? I haven't bought a pack of cigarettes since September and haven't smoked more than one cigarette in a 24hr pd in over a month. But occasionally, the urge is still there and being that I was asked to sign a waiver by the Peace Corps proclaiming I understood the organization highly discouraged smoking, I want it to be irrelevant by the time I leave. Also, when comparing a 50 yr old life-long smoker to a 50 yr old that smoked but quit a good 20 yrs ago, it's obvious which side you want to be on.
To sum things up: I'm vain and like a good buzz. Two things that I'm hoping will lessen over time while in Armenia. Oh, and I have one less tooth to worry about.
Sometime in December, I got yet another Dental package in the mail. It asked that I go get another check up, as the one that originally cleared me was going to expire before departure. Meanwhile, one of my wisdom teeth had been slowly coming in. The initial exam required a full jaw x-ray (I'm blanking on the formal term, but these are not routinely performed). It was then that the dentist informed me it was possible Peace Corps might request that I have all four wisdom teeth removed prior to departure. Fingers crossed and breath held while I waited for dental clearance, because wisdom tooth extraction is f-ing expensive when you are not covered for dental!
Anywho, I tried my hardest denial-like-self to pretend that the now visible tooth was a non-issue. It didn't bother me, so why bother it? My dentist thought otherwise. I made the appointment and two weeks later sat awake Novocained up the wazoo, doing yogic breathing while the doc drilled and sliced away. It was a most glorious afternoon. Being a female in the hormonal height of my cycle, the healing process was incredibly slow. It took two full weeks for recovery. I had to return to the office because the discomfort was so extreme in the beginning. One of those weeks I was on a pain killer and wine diet = fat cow Carolyn.
Interestingly, they gave me the dry socket natural medicine - Clove. I injected the sticky brown goo into the gaping hole for about a week. Every application I thought, this is what cigarettes and clove cigarettes do over time - numb the area. And I would feel proud to have (nearly) kicked the bad habit. I never thought I'd have to fight the urge to smoke cigarettes. I had my first drag when I was 18. But, because of my family's history with cancer and my childhood disgust with the smell (I would refuse to eat in restaurants that had smoking sections to the bane of my parents and brothers) it took three years of living and going out with smokers before I felt compelled to buy a pack of yellow American Spirits on my 21st birthday. Now, don't go thinking I bought packs in succession from there on out. Like I said, the relationship is a complicated one. There is only a small part of me that finds smoking acceptable. And with every glass of wine and emotional situation, that part grows until it's larger than the rational parts of my brain. It's then that I find a cigarette. And unfortunately, many of my loved ones smoke. They also tend to confide upsetting things to me, and then offer me a cigarette. It's a very vicious cycle.
Why am I talking about this at all? I haven't bought a pack of cigarettes since September and haven't smoked more than one cigarette in a 24hr pd in over a month. But occasionally, the urge is still there and being that I was asked to sign a waiver by the Peace Corps proclaiming I understood the organization highly discouraged smoking, I want it to be irrelevant by the time I leave. Also, when comparing a 50 yr old life-long smoker to a 50 yr old that smoked but quit a good 20 yrs ago, it's obvious which side you want to be on.
To sum things up: I'm vain and like a good buzz. Two things that I'm hoping will lessen over time while in Armenia. Oh, and I have one less tooth to worry about.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Things We're Not Taught
The list could go on forever. So much of what makes us individuals comes from things we learn outside the classroom. Yet, what we are not exposed to in the classroom can be a disadvantage. Today, the term 'disadvantaged' is often used in conjunction with 'youth', commonly referring to large groups of black and latino low-income families. Their disadvantage lies not in their color or household income, but rather the lack of education they've received.
I had the privilege of working with such a group of about ten teens whom qualify for this label over the summer in Providence, RI at Goodwill Industries. My work as an AmeriCorps VISTA contributed to the education and betterment of this group. At YouthBuild, the goal is to strengthen both the character and skills of individuals. Most are high school dropouts seeking their GED or high school diploma and job skills. They all dropped out for their particular personal reasons, but generally (in my opinion) it is because with their life experience and knowledge they could not see the value of staying in school. Essentially, they didn't know what they were missing out on.
Lacking the opportunity and encouragement to gain a college degree, my mother raised my brothers and I to value our intelligence and pursue whatever we chose. My father did the same, and with their combined support we all think we're the greatest thing on planet earth. Just kidding... but not really. My point is, I can in no possible way be considered a disadvantaged youth and yet, when I commenced reading about Armenia ( beginning with a book entitled "A Shameful Act" focusing on the genocide) I was embarrassed to realize I know jack shit about everything outside of Western Civilization.
The Ottoman Empire. Sounds familiar, right? I, like many people, often pretend I know things that I truly only have a vague idea about. I've learned this is how to get people to like you by impressing them with your worldly knowledge. So, the Ottoman Empire, or the OTEP as in my new marble notebook, was a vast Muslim empire the offered it's protective services in exchange for taxes and discrimination. Non-muslims in the OTEP were treated much like black folks were in America after slavery. They were not equal, made to know and accept this, in return for some semblance of rights. The fall of the OTEP, and emergence of independent states resulted in the modern Middle East.
This was all news to me, about a week ago. A college graduate. Pathetic.
Oh, the joy in finding a new reason to despise the Western Civ. program enforced upon all Providence College graduates! When unsupportive professors (because those are really the only ones I cared for) joked that the program was the "history of a bunch of dead, white men", they were spot on. It feels like my fellow classmates and I - in a time of war with Middle Eastern countries, no less- were robbed of a full education. Wouldn't it be beneficial for American youths to understand (or even begin to) that the Christian and Muslim communities have been at odds since the dawn of day? That Hitler was not the only man behind a genocide? Or that the British Empire wasn't the only wide spread Empire? It's almost like anything outside Western culture is deemed of no importance or influence in American public education. Well, that's gotten us really far, hasn't it?
I had the privilege of working with such a group of about ten teens whom qualify for this label over the summer in Providence, RI at Goodwill Industries. My work as an AmeriCorps VISTA contributed to the education and betterment of this group. At YouthBuild, the goal is to strengthen both the character and skills of individuals. Most are high school dropouts seeking their GED or high school diploma and job skills. They all dropped out for their particular personal reasons, but generally (in my opinion) it is because with their life experience and knowledge they could not see the value of staying in school. Essentially, they didn't know what they were missing out on.
Lacking the opportunity and encouragement to gain a college degree, my mother raised my brothers and I to value our intelligence and pursue whatever we chose. My father did the same, and with their combined support we all think we're the greatest thing on planet earth. Just kidding... but not really. My point is, I can in no possible way be considered a disadvantaged youth and yet, when I commenced reading about Armenia ( beginning with a book entitled "A Shameful Act" focusing on the genocide) I was embarrassed to realize I know jack shit about everything outside of Western Civilization.
The Ottoman Empire. Sounds familiar, right? I, like many people, often pretend I know things that I truly only have a vague idea about. I've learned this is how to get people to like you by impressing them with your worldly knowledge. So, the Ottoman Empire, or the OTEP as in my new marble notebook, was a vast Muslim empire the offered it's protective services in exchange for taxes and discrimination. Non-muslims in the OTEP were treated much like black folks were in America after slavery. They were not equal, made to know and accept this, in return for some semblance of rights. The fall of the OTEP, and emergence of independent states resulted in the modern Middle East.
This was all news to me, about a week ago. A college graduate. Pathetic.
Oh, the joy in finding a new reason to despise the Western Civ. program enforced upon all Providence College graduates! When unsupportive professors (because those are really the only ones I cared for) joked that the program was the "history of a bunch of dead, white men", they were spot on. It feels like my fellow classmates and I - in a time of war with Middle Eastern countries, no less- were robbed of a full education. Wouldn't it be beneficial for American youths to understand (or even begin to) that the Christian and Muslim communities have been at odds since the dawn of day? That Hitler was not the only man behind a genocide? Or that the British Empire wasn't the only wide spread Empire? It's almost like anything outside Western culture is deemed of no importance or influence in American public education. Well, that's gotten us really far, hasn't it?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Deadlines
As previously mentioned, I'm quite the procrastinator. I hold my father fully responsible for this awful behavioral pattern. Just joshin'. He might've passed along the tendency but ultimately, it is I who decides to take forever to get things done.
After receiving my invitation on (Halloween) Monday, I officially accepted and entered into the Peace Corps on Wednesday, November 2nd. I sent in an email and received a response later that day informing me I needed to send in my passport and visa applications (immediately) and write an aspiration statement to send to my country of service along with an updated resume. Even though the Peace Corps office has the second element of information on file, they need new, slightly different, copies for the Armenian office.
I was advised to send in these documents within ten days of invitation acceptance. I thought to myself, "I will start it over the weekend"... which happened to be my mother's birthday weekend. Instead of starting my aspiration statement, I ate, drank and lounged like the queen I often think I am. Not only was it my mother's birthday weekend, but a dear friend was home for the weekend. We hadn't seen one another in about a year, so I made sure to spend time with her as well. In a word, life caught up with me.
Since receiving my invitation, confirming my May departure date, I find that my thoughts do not focus on my service as much as they previously had. My time is spent working, reading and forever organizing my things in a way that I can easily pack up and go. Needless to say, I did not get around to starting my statement. In fact, it utterly and completely, slipped my mind.
Fast forward to the next Saturday afternoon: I am working, and an acquaintance asks "So, anything new with the Peace Corps?" and it hit me. "FUCK!! AM I PAST TEN DAYS?!?!" I checked my emails to confirm and in fact it was exactly the tenth day from receiving my invite. After work I grabbed my laptop, notebook, aspiration statement instructions and headed for Starb's.(There is a disappointing amount of coffee houses in the suburbs). I was able to get most of it done and around 6pm decided that it was not likely the email would be received until Monday morning. I also soothed my guilt and disappoint with myself, by reasoning that the 10 day deadline is really more for those individuals whom receive their invitations weeks (and not months) before their departure.
It was such a good feeling to be back in the mindset, thinking about my service, recalling why I decided to apply and what allowed me to continue my pursuit. Here is an excerpt:
"As an American, I have been ingrained with a high degree of confidence in my identity; I am privileged and live a life of luxury. I choose to serve to challenge my comfort with this role. While serving, I expect to meet this challenge with commitment and perseverance. Working with my Armenian counter part will certainly have its difficulties and I will constantly remember that I am there to serve Armenia and its culture – not my self; that compromise is key to any successful partnership. I am eager to begin working with someone whom I have no obvious commonalities. The greatest challenge whilst serving will be to gain the trust of my community members so that a successful partnership can be made. As a woman, I will need to adapt to the different role females play in Armenia. As a young person, I will need to be very respectful of the community elders and cultural norms. Overall, my strategy the first several months will be take in as much as possible and once I have a substantial amount of time and experience within the community, I will become a more active participant."
Fun Anecdote: I haven't had cable TV in close to two years (some would say I have been binging)and my new favorite show is American Horror Story. Sometimes, I need to fast forward through the scary parts, but I love a good thrill. While writing this post I was also watching the latest episode, and guess what?! There was an Armenian character! Loco shizz. I'm going to ignore the fact that he was a wealthy deusche.
After receiving my invitation on (Halloween) Monday, I officially accepted and entered into the Peace Corps on Wednesday, November 2nd. I sent in an email and received a response later that day informing me I needed to send in my passport and visa applications (immediately) and write an aspiration statement to send to my country of service along with an updated resume. Even though the Peace Corps office has the second element of information on file, they need new, slightly different, copies for the Armenian office.
I was advised to send in these documents within ten days of invitation acceptance. I thought to myself, "I will start it over the weekend"... which happened to be my mother's birthday weekend. Instead of starting my aspiration statement, I ate, drank and lounged like the queen I often think I am. Not only was it my mother's birthday weekend, but a dear friend was home for the weekend. We hadn't seen one another in about a year, so I made sure to spend time with her as well. In a word, life caught up with me.
Since receiving my invitation, confirming my May departure date, I find that my thoughts do not focus on my service as much as they previously had. My time is spent working, reading and forever organizing my things in a way that I can easily pack up and go. Needless to say, I did not get around to starting my statement. In fact, it utterly and completely, slipped my mind.
Fast forward to the next Saturday afternoon: I am working, and an acquaintance asks "So, anything new with the Peace Corps?" and it hit me. "FUCK!! AM I PAST TEN DAYS?!?!" I checked my emails to confirm and in fact it was exactly the tenth day from receiving my invite. After work I grabbed my laptop, notebook, aspiration statement instructions and headed for Starb's.(There is a disappointing amount of coffee houses in the suburbs). I was able to get most of it done and around 6pm decided that it was not likely the email would be received until Monday morning. I also soothed my guilt and disappoint with myself, by reasoning that the 10 day deadline is really more for those individuals whom receive their invitations weeks (and not months) before their departure.
It was such a good feeling to be back in the mindset, thinking about my service, recalling why I decided to apply and what allowed me to continue my pursuit. Here is an excerpt:
"As an American, I have been ingrained with a high degree of confidence in my identity; I am privileged and live a life of luxury. I choose to serve to challenge my comfort with this role. While serving, I expect to meet this challenge with commitment and perseverance. Working with my Armenian counter part will certainly have its difficulties and I will constantly remember that I am there to serve Armenia and its culture – not my self; that compromise is key to any successful partnership. I am eager to begin working with someone whom I have no obvious commonalities. The greatest challenge whilst serving will be to gain the trust of my community members so that a successful partnership can be made. As a woman, I will need to adapt to the different role females play in Armenia. As a young person, I will need to be very respectful of the community elders and cultural norms. Overall, my strategy the first several months will be take in as much as possible and once I have a substantial amount of time and experience within the community, I will become a more active participant."
Fun Anecdote: I haven't had cable TV in close to two years (some would say I have been binging)and my new favorite show is American Horror Story. Sometimes, I need to fast forward through the scary parts, but I love a good thrill. While writing this post I was also watching the latest episode, and guess what?! There was an Armenian character! Loco shizz. I'm going to ignore the fact that he was a wealthy deusche.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
You're Invited...
A few hours after writing my last post, I came home from the gym to find my invitation on the kitchen counter. I was stunned. A small amount of fear began to seep into my chest and my heart rate increased. But, my 3 yr old niece was over so it was pertinent I play 'where is Soleil' prior to opening the packet. Oddly, I didn't have any sense of urgency but rather a reluctance to open the invitation. I think there are several reasons why, but most of them are unconscious; what I do know is that I was apprehensive about what assignment I'd been given. Would it be near a body of water? Am I leaving before Christmas? Is this something I still absolutely want to do? As adventurous as I am, the idea of leaving for a two full years is slightly disconcerting. Not that I feel the need to be surrounded by family and friends at all times - if anything 'alone time' is somewhat of a necessity in my life. Rather, it's the thought of coming home at 27 and having to start anew.
During the application process it is asked if there are any significant relationships that would prevent you from going abroad for two years. At the time there wasn't...now there is. My boyfriend and I have been together for just about three months. And when we met, it was with the understanding that both of us would be going overseas and neither wanted something serious. To make a long story short, we agreed to keep in contact after being together for only three weeks. He left for mobilization in Fort Hood at the end of August, then we got to spend a week together in New Mexico right before he was deployed. He's currently in Baghdad with shotty communication.
Most of my friends think I'm crazy to have knowingly started a relationship with Peace Corps around the corner. Military relationships are known to be difficult, with or without the other party also being abroad for an extended period of time. He has no idea when he will return. As conflicted as I am, I will not change my mind about serving in the Peace Corps. I know that it is the opportunity of a lifetime and I plan to seize it. And if you read the last post, you know how much I struggled to get this far. Yet, a part of me simply wants to stay home, find a steady job and wait for my boyfriend to come home. That's the romantic in me. The little girl that's been planning her wedding since learning what they were.
That romantic also really wants to get a cat to call my own.
The practical part of me realizes that while life is short, the static of adulthood is lengthy. I believe that above all else emotional and spiritual growth should take precedence. When I use the term spiritual, I am referring to our connectivity with both one another and nature. Those moments you are able to slow time down while soaking in an experience, be it with someone else or whatever you are surrounded by. This is what I am seeking in the Peace Corps.
So, in May of 2012 I will depart to Armenia. I will learn to communicate in both Armenian and Russian. I'm really hoping to swim in the Black and Caspian Seas. But I really hope that when I get back there will be a boyfriend and (hypoallergenic) cat waiting for me.
During the application process it is asked if there are any significant relationships that would prevent you from going abroad for two years. At the time there wasn't...now there is. My boyfriend and I have been together for just about three months. And when we met, it was with the understanding that both of us would be going overseas and neither wanted something serious. To make a long story short, we agreed to keep in contact after being together for only three weeks. He left for mobilization in Fort Hood at the end of August, then we got to spend a week together in New Mexico right before he was deployed. He's currently in Baghdad with shotty communication.
Most of my friends think I'm crazy to have knowingly started a relationship with Peace Corps around the corner. Military relationships are known to be difficult, with or without the other party also being abroad for an extended period of time. He has no idea when he will return. As conflicted as I am, I will not change my mind about serving in the Peace Corps. I know that it is the opportunity of a lifetime and I plan to seize it. And if you read the last post, you know how much I struggled to get this far. Yet, a part of me simply wants to stay home, find a steady job and wait for my boyfriend to come home. That's the romantic in me. The little girl that's been planning her wedding since learning what they were.
That romantic also really wants to get a cat to call my own.
The practical part of me realizes that while life is short, the static of adulthood is lengthy. I believe that above all else emotional and spiritual growth should take precedence. When I use the term spiritual, I am referring to our connectivity with both one another and nature. Those moments you are able to slow time down while soaking in an experience, be it with someone else or whatever you are surrounded by. This is what I am seeking in the Peace Corps.
So, in May of 2012 I will depart to Armenia. I will learn to communicate in both Armenian and Russian. I'm really hoping to swim in the Black and Caspian Seas. But I really hope that when I get back there will be a boyfriend and (hypoallergenic) cat waiting for me.
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