I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I have been back in Armenia for approximately three weeks now and I'm finally feeling readjusted. Anyone close to me knows that I was having a seriously difficult time being back in my village, at host family's home. The word isolation  doesn't do it justice. As a friend asked in his oh-so-blunt way this morning, "back to the grind of freedomless womanhood in armenia?". 

Interestingly, the thing that helped me get back into the mindset was hitting the road and going to see friends. You might think that I was doing myself an injustice by only temporarily leaving my solitary confinement to eat good food and drink wine with friends. It may cross your mind that this, similarly to visiting America, would only lead to deeper feelings of depression, isolation, and general misery. 

Yet, when I sat up in the middle of the 4th or 5th night in the village, because the insomnia was becoming too much and I wanted to write; the things that were written down and later remembered the next morning were a warning sign to me. I was likening the sense of dread deep in the pit of my belly to a seriously dark time in my life during college. That was when I knew I needed to leave. While I believe that working through tough times independently is an important component to healing / progress, there also is a strength in saying ' I need your help right now' - and that is precisely what I did. 

First, I visited site mates in the nearby town and cried the moment I put my bags down. I told the girls of my time at home and all I was feeling since returning. They sat and listened supportively until I was finished. What a necessary reminder that there are people here, that are here with me in this, that they give a shit and I'm not alone! Once I knew school was canceled ( due to the cold) for yet another week, I gave my friend Brian a call. I view Brian as this gift from the heavens, a sweet man that finds my crassness hilarious, cuddles with me when I demand it, and bakes me cookies while I lay under a blanket watching Friends. That's real friendship, kids. Brian is also my favorite person alive because he invited me to go over to the music school that he is associated with to sing songs while he plays along on the piano. If you know me, you understand what a dream come true this man is for me... Sorry Auntie's if I got your hopes up, he unfortunately plays for the other team :)

After two nights of cold heaven, I went back into the capital to wait around for a taxi to go about four hours north to the town of Berd. It was my friend Christopher's 25th birthday weekend and I was damned if I wasn't going to make it up there! To my great surprise, it turns out that Chris has a working bathtub. Oh the joy, the shock of learning this upon my arrival!!! Not only that, but the weather was cooperating as well. Chris and I took a walk each day that I was there, enjoyed the beautiful daylight and scenery. We had long talks about "the meaning of it all" while sitting on an unfinished Soviet bridge, and then I ate shit on the mud/snow on the way back. 

Even though my return travel was a real bitch (left Berd at 10am, arrived in Malishka at 9pm), I felt truly refreshed. There's something about being on the road for that long, even if you are cramped up against the door so you don't crush the wildly petite woman squeezed in next to you, that clears the mind. It reminded me that there is a lot about this country I love. It was also nice to taste freedom on my tongue, if only temporarily. Staying with friends who have places of their own got me planning all the things I want to do once I have the same. I don't know if I've ever started planning my birthday so early...

Song Of the Week: U2 "One"

Quote: "Stinks, stinks like shit!" - McGruber