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| Our first week in Armenia, a walk in the mountains! |
About two weeks ago I said goodbye
to the best friend I made in this country. It’s taken me this long to write
about it as I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt, or really how I could articulate
my feelings. The morning that we spoke on the phone and she knew it was her
time to go, the conversation was fluid and easy. I remember cooking myself
breakfast in the now warm kitchen. The night before I’d attended my very first
Armenian wedding and had a rather obvious full-circle moment.
As you may remember my very first
visit to Malishka was quite alarming. Looking back on it now I wouldn’t react
to the same scenario in this country so severely, but the truth is I was
scared. I was scared when I first arrived, intimidated by the idea that I
couldn’t express myself – a strength and inclination I’ve had my entire life. I
was scared that I wasn’t cut out for Peace Corps, that I’d made a huge mistake.
In truth, that first trip to Malishka was terrifying.
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| Site Announcement Day |
Anyway, my guide or host was a
young woman unable to communicate well in English. She wasn’t even the person I
was told I was going to be with that day. She was no one, as far as I was
concerned – a random member of the community. Already I was skeptical of the
whole situation and then she didn’t stick to the plan I was aware of, the one where
I get brought to my host family that has been vetted by the Peace Corps. I knew
there was somewhere I was supposed to
be and where I’d been brought wasn’t that. I didn’t like this, not one bit. I didn’t like not being in
control. I didn’t like that I had to ride this particular wave. And yet I had no choice but to ride it,
albeit cold sweats and a minor panic attack. Peace Corps had gotten real; I was
alone in the middle of bumble fuck Armenia dependent on the good graces of
others and depending on the good graces of others is not a thing I’m known for.
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| A birthday party during training, summer 2012 |
Flash forward to approximately 20
months later, in a silk party dress I used to wear at bars as an illegal
underage patron, shoes from Italy and a simple braid in my hair because the
blow dryer broke in the most inconvenient of moments, I watched as this same
woman entered the reception hall in her wedding gown. Without realizing it, I
was attending her wedding party. All I had known was that the bachelor of the
school, the 30ish blue-eyed man that always had the teachers in giggles was
finally getting married. I had no idea that he was marrying this particular
girl. I laughed for about 30 minutes straight at the irony.
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| Areni Wine Festival 2012 |
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| My 26th Birthday |
We laughed, we cried and we
indulged in our favorite food and drink, all of our favorite past times. The
day after saying goodbye to her I was tired and irritable. I went to a
performance at the school and encountered my greatest nemesis, snarky teenage
boys. They have an uncanny ability to get under my skin and that day was no
exception. I walked out of the school feeling beaten up and battered and had a
most defeating realization, “There is only one person left. There is only one
person in this whole country that I can call to comfort me because Brian is
gone and Marisa is gone and now Phi.” It was one of the loneliest moments I
have had in my time here. Maybe I am greedy, maybe I should be happy that there
is at least one person. And I’m sorry for anyone reading this thinking, “But
what about me?”. I can think of a few others who are comforts but they are not
Phi, no one can begin to fill her shoes.
Pretty soon I’m going to wake up in my old bed, to sounds
and smells so familiar they are a part of me, and wonder if it was all a dream.
